Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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