You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
