you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
