There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
