We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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