I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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