there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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