I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
