He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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