I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
