i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
