i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
