you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
