you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
