i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize