Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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