Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
