im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
