checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
