my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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