What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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