I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
