I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
