WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
