why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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