and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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