He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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