$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
