I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize