just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
