I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need water and some morals
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
