so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
