No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
