mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
