remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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