it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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