god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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