You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
