An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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