shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
