He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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