I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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