i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
