Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
