I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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