his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
