don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
