dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
