that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
