im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
