she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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