At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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