i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
