yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
