Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
