Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
did you just send me my own nude
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
