The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
