I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
