Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
