I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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