Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
