I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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