Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
