The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
