Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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