she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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