how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
