So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
