I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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