At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
